Finding Peace In An Indian Restaurant
How an event for Janmashtami, helped me move forward
I’ve been married for 6 months now — 6 whole months. And during that time, the transition has been a lot. People always say the first year is the most difficult; I didn’t think that was true, since we’ve been cohabitating for over 2 years. However, there are other things that make it true. Slipping into married life has brought other realizations of relationships around me, things that were no longer serving me, having to reprioritize dynamics, and simply making space for life to propel me in a new direction. One of the things that has stayed a constant for me — is prayer.
Having a deeply enriching spiritual life is something I’ve always valued. Ever since I was young, I sought to understand my own faith, and different faiths of the world. One of those being Hinduism. I never fully sank my teeth into it, but I studied it enough to know some of the deities and practices.
Specifically, I would always see Lord Ganesh tattooed on someone’s body as they walked by me in the streets of NYC. One birthday, a close friend of mine even gave a birthday card with his picture on it. I began to feel he was following me to some degree. Low and behold, my husband’s name now, is Ganesh. To any South Asian reading, that’s not an uncommon name at all. But for an American Puerto Rican, the pattern of how this happened is unique to say the least.
Last Friday, the 19th, we attended an event for Janmashtami, a celebration for the birth of Lord Krishna. As I entered the space and tried to make sense of how this event would play out, the coordinator began to introduce the evening’s performance. The first young girl — about 10 years of age — took to the microphone and shared a quotation from Lord Krishna in English, for those who didn’t understand the previous lecture in Hindi. While she spoke, I felt my body instantly soften:
Whatever happened, happened for the good; whatever is happening, is happening for the good; whatever will happen, will also happen for the good only. You need not have any regrets for the past. You need not worry for the future. The present is happening now.
What did you lose that you cry about? What did you bring with you, which you think you have lost? What did you create, which got destroyed? You did not bring anything — whatever you have, you received from here. Whatever you have given, you have given only here. Whatever you took, you took from God. Whatever you gave, you gave to him. You came empty handed; you will leave empty handed. What is yours today, belonged to someone else yesterday, and will belong to someone else the day after tomorrow.
I’ve been working for a long time to soften certain blows life has given me recently. It’s been a tough journey of ebb and flow. It’s been tough lessons of letting things go, resetting expectations, and challenging myself as to why I care so much or ask so much of people who simply cannot meet me where I so desire to be met. Hearing Lord Krishna’s quotation, added onto the peace I’ve only recently acquired, in a huge and beautiful way.
There have always been debates as to whether we create life as we go or if things are destined. Back in 2014, I began my own journey into New Ageism. What I found, was the belief that everything is energy (still and will always be true due to science), that we can co-create with the universe, that affirmations call things into our life — the list goes on. Some of it, I’ve stepped away from since meeting my husband in 2019. Some of it, I’ve kept as a way to meditate on life further. To me, there’s a certain peace I find in believing things are destined. When I look around and feel that surely, there must be some divine orchestration which my mere mortal mind cannot fathom. There are reasons known and many more, unknown, as to why things play out the way they do. And if circumstances were supposed to go differently — meant to be another way — would they not have simply gone that way? It’s a way for me to feel more at peace with how things have unfolded. To reassess my regrets and let them go. To move forward and relish the beauty of being present. Well…at least to the best of my ability.
Janmashtami’s celebration means many different things to many different people. I’m positive my education in Hinduism has just begun since I’m married to a Desi man who comes from a Hindu family. For me, Lord Krishna’s quotation speaks to not only Hindu philosophy, but to the overall philosophy of all faiths: God is in charge, there’s a force much larger than us who is orchestrating things. We have control, but less than we think. There is no need to think of past or future, for the present is all we have. Give thanks and be present. Whatever you have, can be taken away at any time. Have faith that whatever happens, is ultimately for the good, even if you can’t see it now.
It’s an instruction manual for how to live a good and peaceful life. And it’s one I’m still, and always will be, meditating on.
