Learning About Human Capacity During A Pandemic
The awareness I had within friendships, was nothing like it is now.
There’s no doubt that 2020 has proven to be quite…difficult, to say the least. And with this difficulty, there have been tons of opportunities and experiences both welcomed and unwelcomed which allow us to self-reflect, grieve, reassess, and restart in a myriad of ways. Everyone’s experiences during this pandemic have been different and with that, I’ve learned a great deal about the idea of capacity.
Brought to my attention earlier this year (before the pandemic took place) sitting across my therapist at the time, she asked me a question I still remember and digested fully when speaking about a certain someone: “Do you think they are capable of that?” She asked. I was never asked this and didn’t fully understand such a question. Of course they’re capable, I thought, it’s not that hard. My judgement sat heavy beside me on the couch as I asked, “what do you mean?” She proceeded to explain how everyone is different and not capable of handling or responding in the ways we would like because they don’t operate as such. Stunned by the idea that not everyone could be “capable” of things, I left her office with a newfound sense of understanding in relating to others.
If we all have a different emotional intelligence system, then of course we are not going to be capable of meeting one another where we want to be met. Enter in a global pandemic — wreaking havoc, grief, anxiety, and for some of us, a sense of being surprisingly okay throughout it all. However you’ve responded is fine but what this time at home has taught me is the lesson of “capability” doubled down.
Some people have lost friends and family to the virus, others have lost their jobs, some people are fine with working at home being around friends or their partner but just miss the act of going out and the general sense of normalcy. With differing reactions, comes the fact that people may not be there for you 24/7 to connect not because they do not want to, but because they’re going through something and currently incapable of mentally and emotionally helping someone else. These are all valid things certainly during a pandemic, but also in real life as well.
Knowing that even the closest people to me may not be fully capable of hearing me out at times, has been humbling and causes me to go inward in search for answers. Or, it can propel me to become closer to another connection and strengthen a different bond. No one person can be our village. And during these uncertain and difficult times, it’s important to remember people may not be as available to us as much as usual. But it doesn’t have to indicate a poor friendship.
2020 has thrown us all for a loop, but the only way out is through. And if we can create space for one another to experience whatever comes up during this time, we may play a hand in helping each other get through easier.
