The Curse Of Being A Private Person
Privacy vs. secrecy. I think many times the two overlap or can get confused. However, the real distinction is that secrecy is hiding things away from the world and is seemingly covered in a residue of shame and guilt. Privacy, is a right we all have and can use in differing extents in a myriad of ways. It is not hiding anything, but rather keeping strong boundaries so as to not spill your own tea constantly — for lack of a better phrase.
I know many people who consider themselves to be “open books”. Not a fear in sight in sharing details of their career, salaries, love lives, inner workings etc. Anyone can know anything about them, and they seem not to care. And then there are people like me — private in a sense that causes confusion and misunderstandings even amongst their most intimate relationships. The question of “why are you so private?” or the remark of “well, I know you’re very private” has graced my ears many times. It’s nothing I’m ashamed of, it’s just the way I am in this lifetime. And with this privacy label, comes no surprise that I’m an introvert more than an extrovert.
And although I wish I could post stories on Instagram and other social media platforms, tell my friends all the details of my love life, share stories of my dreams and how I want to tackle them, I’ve come to accept that it’s just not me. This is the curse of being a private person: not sharing absolutely every detail of your life with the people you love, is more times a need than a want. And certainly, not being an open book can make me a pain in the ass to be friends; I’m aware of this annoyance in my circle.
There’s this phenomenon of shame which famed sociologist Brené Brown has spoken about countless times. What I remember most about one of her TED Talks was the idea that you cannot share your shame story with just anyone and it is a privilege to hear your story. Choose whom you share with, wisely. I take that advice not only for the shame bits in my life, but for the regular bits too. Even if we have a rich emotional support system filled to the brim with people we love, does that territory also mandate sharing everything?
The idea that nothing is sacred anymore, is something I think of often. And it can translate to this subject as well. In sharing everything in your life with everyone, what is truly yours? In taking other people’s stories and sharing them vividly, is it fully theirs anymore? Other than Dax Shepard and Edward Norton, I haven’t heard too many people speak of the mental gymnastics they face in terms of privacy.
My overthinking and overanalyzing ways aside, these questions may help us navigate where in our lives we may want to keep things solely to ourselves. In comes the benefit to being a private person: you’ll be able to hear your own voice louder than others simply because you don’t share so much to the extent where their opinions and thoughts cloud your own. Once again, it becomes more of a need than a want. You may want to share, but find that you simply need to follow your own voice rather than constantly ask for direction or advice from others.
Private or not, marching to the beat of your own drum never hurt anyone. Let’s just do so, respectfully.
