The Everchanging Body: A Journey Of Acceptance…Or Neutrality?
This story is nothing new. A woman recounting all the ways in which she has stumbled and crawled, sometimes kicking and screaming, to fight for her own bodily acceptance and love. It’s not just about weight, or the seemingly constant societal pressure to be a certain size. It’s about the in-betweens as well: how full your hair is, what size are your feet, is your skin glowing with health and vitality.
During the pandemic, I am undoubtedly not alone when I say one of the many challenges faced was another bout of body acceptance. Being at home affected my weight, which then spurred another tumble down the rabbit hole of weight checking, tape measuring, and signing up for weight loss apps.
I questioned before the pandemic, and certainly during it now, just how much is my weight going to be the center of my life? There’s global civil unrest, political crises, a current pandemic, and yet I am perplexed to know that most of us — especially women — are still so concerned with our image. The poison of society’s messages on how much we should weigh, and what we should look like, provide an overarching theme even amongst the most tragic of situations.
This is not to say we don’t have validity in our obsessions — no matter how small or large they may be. This is also not to say that caring about body image and caring about global issues are mutually exclusive. This is mostly to raise the question outside of myself, rather than internally: how much do we want to care?
Taking care of ourselves is vital. Placing our health as a priority is fantastic. Spending our vital and precious time on this earth focused on a number on a scale, or how we compare to each other on social media, or how thick or lack thereof our hair is, eats away at our life force. The time we’ve lost on all of the above, and perhaps other trite issues, taking the place of time spent on fruitful and creative experiences with people we love. People who, notably, wouldn’t give a shit how we look either way.
Our bodies will go through changes throughout life more times than I can count. A woman’s body will go through pregnancy, child bearing, menopause — amongst other things. Then there’s the unpredictable things: diseases, viruses, accidents, and the like. It’s all of these and more which give me further reason to believe that although it’s a vessel we should cherish and treat kindly, maybe the focus doesn’t need to be so hard pressed.
The body positivity movement has its fair share of controversies and issues. Which has since given way for the body neutrality movement. Essentially — just not paying as much attention to our body image. Allowing our attention to be placed on more important people, places, and causes. Exercising and eating well for health’s sake; waking up and resisting the check on our relationship to gravity. Simply…being.
Is body neutrality the same as accepting body image? Or is it just stating: I’m a human and I’m here; I have more important things to do. Perhaps one can lead to the other, in time. Caring about our health is pertinent, but when is the line crossed and a great majority of our power given away to ideals? The journey is everchanging and growing.
For now, I’ll do my best to spend more time contemplating the world around me rather than my relationship to the mirror. I’ll compartmentalize so I can be mentally and emotionally present for loved ones as well as various issues I deem important in this world. And throughout it all, I’ll need to check myself whenever an intrusive thought about weight or appearance comes through.
It’s exhausting. It’s thought provoking. It’s bullshit. It’s a power struggle: who wins? the insecurities or you? For now — my answer is that I win. Maybe tomorrow…I’ll have to ask again.
